New Year Resolutions

Every year people make promises for the new year. Things like, "I will get into shape" or "I will not spend as much money" or even "I will change everything I do not like about my self!" And all though some of those things maybe good to do, how many times do we keep them? Sure we do for a while, maybe make it past the month of January but after that, who knows?

I want to share something with you;

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again rejoice!
Let your gentleness be evident to all. the Lord is near.
Do not be anxious about anything but in everything, by
prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.
And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will gaurd
your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Finally. Brothers, Whatever is true, whatever is noble,
whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely,
whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy -
think about such things. What ever you have learned or recieved,
or heard from me, or seen in me - put it to practice, And the God of peace
will be with you.
Philippians 4:4-9

This is one of my favorite texts from the bible. My favorite verse is verse 4. Rejoice in the Lord Always I will say it again Rejoice! I remember it the most on New years, because when people are making resolutions it reminds me that no matter what happens in the New year, whether good or bad, I have to rejoice in the Lord. And what a wonderful thing that is to do. To REJOICE. Rejoice in him that I am alive, that I am going to school, that I have friends.
I look back on this year and I try to think of if I rejoiced enough. And I think to my self you can never rejoice enough. So If I were to make a resolution it would not be to change the way I look, or the way I act. It would be to make sure I rejoice about everything, and I never forget who created me, who molded and shaped me to be in his image. And to Rejoice in Him ALWAYS!

This is fun

I stole this from Passionately Inept so that I could have a little fun with it too! Bwah ha ha.

1. Reply to this post, because I would like to say a couple words about you.
2. I will also tell you what song(s) remind me of you when I hear it.
3. I will also tell you what celebrity/public [or anime/manga] person you remind me of, either personality-wise or looks-wise.
4. I will also give ONE WORD that I associate with you when I think of you.
5. We all could use a boost now and then, so steal this for your journal and make someone else's day as well.

The Day before Christmas

Twas the day before Christmas and all through the house, Alyson was hurrying faster then a mouse. She had to make the place look spotless and clean. Cause her parents were coming home, and if it was messy they would scream. And Alyson wanted them to have the best day, so she got rid of the garbage, and she would have to say, "It's spotless it's clean, there is not a thing on the floor. Now all I have to do is put a welcome home! on the door" .

Yester of Days, Alyson called her friends, and they talked for hours about nothing on end. It was a wonderful thing, just to sit back and laugh. To not think about anything just to have a gas. They make her smile, even though they live farther then a quarter of a mile!
She misses her friends, but she can hold fast. Because in January they are going to have a BLAST!

Thank you thank you, I hope you enjoyed the blog. I take money for mission trip!
Have a Merry Christmas!!!!

I can not wait

I get to see Rhonda tomorrow! And then on Friday I get to see my parents. I am so excited!!!!! And then in early january I get to see Amber and Andrew. And I hope to see Tawnie. Oh the joys of having friends come to visit. And Ashley comes home on the 31st! YES

I miss people

Just wanted to say that I miss people! I miss Ashley so bad. And I also miss Amber something horrible. AHHH! I can not wait till I can see them. I did alot of thinking, and thanks Deb for your words of encouragment. I know that I will not leave school. And the friends that I have made I am going to treasure forever. it would be the worst thing if I did not. If all of a sudden I did not talk to any of them. Or was distant. That is not me either. I just have to be more careful of what I do. I mean if all of a sudden I stopped talking to lets say Amber well she would kill me, and I would really not be a happy person. She is an amazing person and a big part of my life. Really she is like the Ashley of College. ( that is a good thing Amber!) Although no one could replace Ashley. I love her tons! Don't worry guys I love you too! Well I am glad that I thought alot yesterday, I feel better about alot of things. Have a good one.

What Road

You know that poem by Robert Frost that talks about the road less traveled by? Well I was thinking, what road am I traveling by. I have done alot of thinking the past couple days and I have relized I am hidding myself. I might not have thought I was, but I really am. I am trying to be loved by to many people, and I am getting myself into trouble.
I am trying to please everyone. And yet, I know that the people I care for the most, are worried about me and are scared for me. Someone told me today, that really there are still wolves in sheeps clothing. And you know what, how hard it is to admit it, I can see it. I can see that I am leading myself into a lot of trouble, I am leading myself down the path that is walked on all the time. I am not saying that I have to not talk to some people. I am just saying I have to be more careful with what I do.
This holiday is going to be good for me. I am going to need it, just to get away from the people I see everyday. And when mom and dad come home, that will be better to. I also know that I am getting upset with what people are telling me, but when I stop to think, they do have a point. I am not holding myself in the way that I should. I am to the point where I am scaring myself. What is right and what is wrong. Sometimes the wrong things sound right. And they are so much easier. But isn't that the way that it is supposed to be. No body said that the road less traveled would be an easy one. And there would be times when you would want to leave, and when people want to make you leave. This seems like one of those times. The thing is I love the people I have connected with, and I do not want to ruin any of those friendships, but I am scared, I am questioning myself and whether I am doing the right thing.
Maybe I need to get out. Maybe I need to start looking for a job, and not go back to school next year. Maybe I need to distance myself. Maybe I need to stop and think about everything I want to do.
Do I go in Febuary? I know that I want to and I have already said I would. But should I go? is it safe for me? I am so filled with doubts and worries. And at the same time, I am excited. There is also the fact that I sometimes feel I am closer to the people I go to school with. But I have friends from church that hang out with other people and they are fine.
Am I just getting myself into trouble, digging myself deeper and deeper into a hole. I think I need to be more careful from now on with what I do. The new year is going to be a little different. I think I need to start over. And remember at all times who I am and where I came from. I can not forget that, no matter how someone may make me feel, or how much fun people are having. I need to be able to be myself. The really Alyson that is not trying to please anyone. The one who was raised with what she believes, and Believes what she was taught whole heartedly. I need to stand firm and not bend for anyone or anything. Because I do not want to put my faith at risk. I do not want to build my house on the sand. I want to stand on that rock and not move! I want to be free.

Wanting to Write

Can you understand me?
Do I make any sence?
Am I what you thought I would be?
Or do I need to change?
What do you want me to do?
Do you want me to be someone I am not?
Just for the sake of pleasing you!
Why can't you see me for me?
Why do I need to have a mask on?
Why do I need to be different?
I like who I am inside!
Why can't you just see that?
I DON'T WANT TO CHANGE!

Rock for life

Yesterday I went to something called Rock for Life. It was amazing! I went with Scott, Lewis and Brieanne. I was just so empowered by it. It was good to witness and to pray for the babies that were being killed across the street. And for the mothers inside. It was really sad. There were a few times when I was about to cry, and then when I almost felt like falling, cause I was so sad, But I knew that God was there with me and everyone else as we made a stand. It was not like we were yelling at people that were going in. we were just standing across the street praying for them. It must be really hard to go there and do that. It sends Shivers of sadness down my spine. I know that those children will be with their maker again, and really that is the most amazing place to be. But it is so sad. So very sad.

The visit
She walks into a room
Why it seems so sad she knows.
It was not her fault
She didn’t have a choice.
There is no other way out.
“I’m sorry mom for failing you,
I’m sorry for the hurt.
I’m sorry dad for not telling you,
I have to let it go.”
She sits there waiting
The tears roll down her face.
“I’m sorry baby for hurting you,
But there is no other way.”
She lies there on the bed
Waiting to be done.
It will not hurt at all
At least that’s what he said.
All of a sudden it’s over
She feels all alone
She hears her baby crying,
And she lets out a moan.
“It’s okay my darling
God has you in His hands.
I am okay my darling,
I promise that I am.
She sits there on that bed
For another minute more.
When she is at home,
She sees a little toy.
And thinks
“That could have been for my little girl or boy”


Alyson 2003

Better today

Well, trying to write exams when you are still kinda out of it, is not the way to go. I am better today though. There were times today when I was kinda weepy, and when I was just like Ho boy, I am so shocked. And then when I saw someone go sliding this afternoon, AHHHH!!!! But I am okay. I am going to go to bed though and sleep. But I wanted to put something on here that my friend sent me. I did not write it, but I think it is amazing. Thank you Amber for sending it to me! It is being printed off and it is going on my wall. So here it is.

MOMENTS IN LIFE
There are moments in life when you miss someone
so much that you just want to pick them from
your dreams and hug them for real!
When the door of happiness closes, another opens;
but often times we look so long at the
closed door that we don't see the one,
which has been opened for us.
Don't go for looks; they can deceive.
Don't go for wealth; even that fades away.
Go for someone who makes you smile,
because it takes only a smile to
make a dark day seem bright.
Find the one that makes your heart smile.
Dream what you want to dream;
go where you want to go;
be what you want to be,
because you have only one life
and one chance to do all the things
you want to do.
May you have enough happiness to make you sweet,
enough trials to make you strong,
enough sorrow to keep you human and
enough hope to make you happy.
The happiest of people don't necessarily
have the best of everything;
they just make the most of
everything that comes along their way.
The brightest future will always
be based on a forgotten past;
you can't go forward in life until
you let go of your past failures and heartaches.
When you were born, you were crying
and everyone around you was smiling.
Live your life so at the end,
you're the one who is smiling and everyone
around you is crying.

A Little Shaken Up

Okay, so here I am and I just got back from the cop shop. Well, today was an interesting one. I had fun with Regan, Scott, Kel-C, and Charlotte today.

And then I started to go home. Well now, Alyson got herself into a little accident. Okay so I am okay, and the other guy is okay, but I found out he is claming like $3000 on his car. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Anyway the guy was a prick, but what ever. I am okay now, I am still kinda shaking, it is wierd, I want to cry and laugh at the same time. Laugh cause I am okay, but cry cause I was BLOODY scared.

And I am so cold so very cold. And I have to go out and drive tomorrow. (Henry said it is the best if I do that!) But shiver, I do not know if I can do that. I hope it does not snow tomorrow.

But I phoned Amber and talked to her and Andrew, and asked if they could tell Scott and pray for me. Just cause I am like so ahh right now. And then I remembered about accidents and just resently, and what Amber and Andrew had to go with. And it is running in my head. Is that something that I really needed to tell them cause I am okay. But I will see them tomorrow. I love you guys!!!

Under cover

Well, I must say for being really really sad today, I did well. But I really miss Opa, I mean it is really hard, I can not talk to him about anything, and really he is not there to remind me I am beautiful and that God loves me and that there is a special someone waiting for me. You know I believe it, but sometimes it is really hard not to have Opa tell me that. I had a picture of him today walking down the hall with me at his arm, waving his cane in the other hand telling everyone I was his princess.
Yeah. But today I did not cry at school. Nope I hid it really well, but I am sure some of my friends could tell that I was a little off. So I did not cry at school, but at Kramers. Well! I was fine until we read the christmas story, and we sang Silent Night. That was Opa's favorite Christmas song (in English!) And really I would always sing it for him. And he would join in with this most amazing voice. It always sent shivers down my spine. And after that we would always sing Ere Zigt God. A really beautiful Dutch song. I wanted to sing it tonight, but no one else knows it, so I couldn't cause I know I would have broke down. But alas, I started to cry, but I was with a friend, who just held me.
Sometimes I feel these days that I am just crying ALL THE TIME! And Alyson is the big baby. That is what I told him, but he just told me it was okay. Friends like that rock. But it was funny, cause I really wanted Ashley and my brother. Although I was okay with who I was with, Dont get me wrong. I love them to peices, and I would not change them for the world.

YIPPEE

This is going to be really short, and all though I almost did not, I did something that I am so proud of, because it was SO hard! Ready for it

I PASSED EAR TRAINING!!!!!!!!

Can you tell that I am happy. Anyway now to pass the rest of my tests.

Listening to a song.

Do you ever have it when you are listening to a song, and it totally speaks to you. Well I was listening to Avolons song Everything to Me and the lyrics just popped out. Especially the Chorus. So here they are:

Everything to me,
He's more than a story,
more than words on a page, of history,
He is the air that I breath,
the water I thirst for,
and the ground beneath my feet,
Oh, He's everything,
everything to me.

And I am reading this and I am like, hello this is the way that it should be. Having God as my everything. That He is not just there, but He is around me, in my heart, that he is the first thing that I think about. He is everything to me. I was saying to a friend last night, that although my day was so horrible, I could not imagine what it would be if I did not have God. It would have been alot worse. Because then no one would have prayed with me. and I would not have been able to feel better after that. So it just proves that God has to be everything. The big bases on how I live my life.

I Need him these days, because I to have to be strong for my friends. We are all going through a stressful time, and if I am stressed I will not be able to help them. Either by encoraging them or even praying with them. Although praying helps when I am stressed to.

I think I just have to keep praying cause God will be there to hold me up and never let me fall. He is everything to me.

Worst day in the history of man!

Well folks this settles it, today was the worst day in the history of my life! Although like any other day there were some good points to it. Anyway it started with singing lessons when I just could not sing the song. and then I could not do music class, and then I could not do ear training! (but that is over!) and I failed a german test. JOYS!!!! and I keep spilling on myself! Yeah, but anyway enough bad things. I did want to say that I have amazing friends that helped me through today. Thank you you know who you are! Oh and I taught Scott the bag game, when you stick your hand in and then pull something out, it becomes yours. I pulled out his hand. Enough said. and I got to cuddle.( well sleep on his shoulder!) And I ask, y cant more guys be like him and Andrew? Amber babe, your lucky! But anyway, I have had enough, so I am going to crawl in a blanket and sleep for an hour before monday night kids.

Alyson is moving on

Well this is exciting news. So I was in the car with two of my older distingushed married friends today. And I found out that His brother has become recently single. And this guy is like so fun. Although he is really shy, but I figure that is okay. And the thing is, I am really the only person he has talked to in our church. No one else has even tried. ( which I find is really dumb but hey!) And we get along well. And the fact that I get along with his brother and sister in law. Yippee. And the sister in law suggested to set us up! Yeah that would be fine with me! He is from my Church so that is a big thing, and then he is a hard worker, and he is friendly, but he is really shy. But hey we can work on that! So that is exciting!


ps. Too my two lovely girls A and T, I think you both are beautiful! And happy things will come!

Computer room fun

so anyway I am in the computer room minding my own business and people start to make me laugh. And then they make fun of me. Some times I really like school. Although they were telling me that I am always laughing. Is that a good thing. Maybe I need to show my serious side because then people will actually know that I am serious sometimes. and that would be wonderful because then they would be able to see both sides of me. But hey if they like my crazy side. then they will have my crazy side!!!!!!!!! Bwah ha ha ha ha ha. Now I think I have to go to German cause that is what I have to to do. Keep laughing in the computer room it makes it fun.

Frusterated

Well Natasha's Capstone went really well! She was great and so was everyone else. And people really liked it. Anyway I am a little grumpy at the moment. I am having a party at my house on Saturday and I told all of my friends about it. And someone Not saying names but its a boy! Said he was going to be there! for like 3 weeks he said he would be there. And is he coming. NO! I think I understand why I mean everyone has to go and see their parents sometime. But ARRRGGG! It kinda frustrated me cause he said he was coming. I know I should not make this big of a deal about this as I am. Maybe it is because of my lack of sleep, but it really upset me. and to just say, Oh I am not coming I am going home instead. Instead of doing it a little nicer like, "hey I really wish I Could come, but I miss my family and this weekend is the best one for me to go and see them. I hope you do not care." That would have been a little nicer. Anyway now that I am done raving. ( ps. if you read this man, Oh well!) I think I just have to be like what ever, and be happy that my other good friends are going to be there.

Seussical is OVER!

Who would have thought that I am happy that seussical is over. I mean it was great, the cast did a really good job, and for the most part were alot of fun. And the make up people. Whoot whoot Amber Regean and Jo! But I have had enough. my feet are sore and I have no voice. I guess that is what comes with the territory of my job. Gopher. he he! But I loved it and I am not complaining. Although when people ask what I am doin there so early and I do not need to be. And yet they do not realize that yes I do need to be there. Okay so there are times were I was just sitting or doing nothing. BUt if someone needed me I was there. And so there, anyone who thought different can shove it! that is what I have to say. And the play its self was amazing. I mean they were great! I just have seuss songs coming out of my ying yang. (as I sure the rest of the cast does too!) But hey they deserve all the credit they can get. The cast party was fun. I enjoyed my self for the most part. Although there was a time when it was serious. But hey *Hugs*! ( you know who you are! Anyway, now that it is over I can go back to doin normal things like school. But let me say this. I am proud of everyone!!!!!!!! You are amazing in my books!

just wrote this

thought I would share a poem that really does not rhyme so is it a poem? you figure it out!

What Would

What would it feel like if you hand held mine?

What would it sound like if you said "I love you"?

What would it be like if your lips grazed mine?

What would it feel like if you held me in your embrace?

What would it sound like if you whispered in my ear?

What would it be like if you were always near?

What would it be like is all I ever wonder,

What would it sound like is what I want to know,

What would it feel like is what I am trying to figure out,

Do you want to help me?

Anyway enjoy!

More to say

Today was just an eventful day. Although this entry is more about yesterday then anything else.

So yesterday I was at Young peoples. ( a society for my church group!) and we had a huge discussion on dating outside of the church. What suprised me is the number of people that said it was okay if they were dating a christian. It kinda shocked me I think because I know how hard it is not to, but yet it is so much easier if you don't. You know what I am trying to say. Anyway and then my friend pulls me aside after. ( cause I was the one that brought it up) And asks if I was okay, and that he will be there if I need him. Well, how did he know that I was having troubles. I did not tell him. Anyway it was all confusing. But I know the truth and really I will stick to it. I am putting God first. But I told My friend something and then when I was home I put it to words.

so here it is.

Can you come here and tell them
can you come and show them
that I am a person of honour,
that I am a person to love.
I am not just some individual.
But someone so special,
so true
so real.
That it does not matter what I look like
what I say
what I wear.
It does not matter how I act
just as long as I care.
Can you come over here and tell them,
can you come and show them,
that I am easy to love.

So there it is, I wish that there were more guys like my fruit (see earlier entries) I mean he likes me for who I am. And not for someone I could be ARRRGGG!!! sometimes!
Boys we must throw Rocks at them because they are dumme!

Legacy

I was sitting on the bus listening to my discman, and a song came on. I really love the lyrics to the chorus so here they are.

"I want to leave a legacy
How will they remember me?
Did I choose to love?
Did I point to You enough
To make a mark on things
I want to leave an offering
A child of mercy and grace
Who blessed Your name unapologetically
And leave that kind of legacy"
Legacy by Nichole Nordman

I love it, And it totally got me thinking, what are people going to say when I die. ( I am not do not worry, although my cough makes it sound like I am) How will people remember me. Was I the Christian that I always said I was. That kind of thing. I do not know Something to think about I guess.

So anyway, I get this email when I get home. And I am sure most of you have heard, but I was supposed to sing at this opening ceromonies thing next week thursday, WELL anyway so this chick emails me today, and says yeah I talked to my boss, and she had found someone else too, and well her pickings rule! So sorry I will call you if we need you for something else. AGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ( if I swore I would do it right here!) I was so mad, heck I am mad. I mean I was telling all my friends, and now I have to go to them and say, hey guess what I am not singing anymore. Yeah uh huh. This sounds stupid but I want to crawl up into a ball and bawl. ( he he) But you know what. there will be other oppertunities, and if there are not. THen hey life goes on.

My Best Friend

Well, I took my best friend to Concordia basketball games yesterday, and she was also able to meet my friends from school. I think she liked them. She called them Crazy, but really they are so there is no denying that! Anyway I just wanted to dedicate this post to her. I love her so much. We have been through thick and thin together. And we both know that you can not break us. No matter how hard some may try.

She knows me so well, so very well! she sees right through me sometimes. I can hide nothing from her. But that is good I think. Someone that knows me that well. I think sometimes she knows me better then me. Especially me at the moment. I know I am denial, about alot of things, but she knows my feelings, and my attitude and she is worried about me. ( don't worry sweetie, I will not let you down!)

I just have to say that she is my hero. I mean she has been through alot, with and without me. And she is sticking to things even if she does not want to. She is beautiful! (Inside and out!) and she is my pillar!

She asked me what I would do with out her, and I told her, I would do nothing because I will never be with out you. She is everywere I am. ( no not in person!) And then I said if she was not there I would die! I really do not know what I would do!

That is why I have to say, Girl I love YOU!
(ahh that rhymes!)

Things happen.

So I am at work for my dad right now. I am supposed to be writing an essay, but you know how it is when all of sudden you can not write about anything. I hate when that happens. I mean I have alot of things to say, but really I can not write them down on paper at all. I hate it.

Sometimes I want to be with my friends twenty four seven. It scares me when things happen and I can not be with them. I hate it lots. Especially when they are having a hard time with something.

I am glad I was on line and then I could talk to this friend for an like an hour on the phone. I think it helped them a little bit. I am not good at advice though, and my approach is to make people laugh when they are feeling down, and to listen. Hopefully I did both of that. I mean my friend is a great person and I hate it when they are hurting. I hope everything works out for them, I just have to keep praying. And being there to hold them up if they need me too. Sometimes I do not mind doing that. I hate it when peoples are unhappy. Its times like this when all I need to do is be there, and to throw all of my worries out the window. I mean I know that sometimes I need to talk, but when they need it, I will try to stop.

Thats another thing I worry about all the time, I mean I try really hard not to do it, but sometimes I feel like all I can talk about is me. Me me me. And I know it is a pet peeve when other people do it, but then I do something I hate. I wish that sometimes someone would just say, "Alyson Shut up! I need you to listen to me right now." Then I so would do it. I mean it is not that bad. I would listen. I just need some help I think with that. It drives me up the wall.

Or when I am being silly. It is like at school people like it, they do not think anything of it. I hope! BUt as soon as I get to friends from home, it is almost like I have to be a totally different person. Except with Ashley and Debra. and Tyson and Sue, but everyone else. IT is like a bad thing if I am a little crazy. Hello it is me. Sometimes I can be quiet sometimes I can be "normal" but what is normal for me. I mean do I really have to pretend. I know that sometimes I am pretending whenI am being silly, but that is cause I do not want to face the facts. But most of the time I do not even do that. It is a stress reliever. And we all know i need that sometimes. Anyway why can't I just be me! I ask this. Does me bother you!

Stuck

Okay I just finished reading some of my friends poems and they are amazing. I wish that I could write like them. i mean they have such depth and stuff. I can't do that.

Anyway, Sometimes I just want to crawl in a hole and escape. There are so many things going on with my life, that I just want to leave. School is getting hard ( not in the work way, I can handle that) but in every other way. I am starting to second guess myself. Starting to ask if this is the way I want to go, if this is really what I want to do. I know my friends have told me that I am not a quiter and that I would never quit. But sometimes I just feel like I should. Sometimes I feel like I should just give up. Go out with my Rehab and that is all. My parents do not think that I will make it all three years, and in a way I want to prove them wrong. But once again, they are probably right. I hate that when it happens.

And then there is this boy. You would think that it is not very ovious, but this is me we are talking about, and I have never been very secretive. It has even come to the point that the feelings I had for another person are gone.(yes trust me, sunday when I saw this "other guy" there was NOTHING there!) But the thing is I can not have this guy from school. Okay so I think maybe he is right for me, we are both crazy. But he does not go to my church. He is my forbidden fruit. But it is not just that. I have seen both sides to him, and well I do not know if I can handle that. Although I am like that too. Ahh I hate it. Why can't this be any easier.

Oh and the fact that like a hundred girls in my school like him too. And yeah it is like a vicious circle. I do not get jealous when he is talking to other girls, Probably because I know that I can not have him anyway, but others do. And then they do not talk to you cause you talk to him. Or sit by him in Chapel or something. My guy friends always said, when it comes to a crush girls are vicious. And I have to agree. I just can not help it, he is so darn cute, and our personalities are so alike. Although I am really ovious and I know he knows, but I do not want to say anything because that would make it worse. I just want to pretend that it is not there. Maybe I should just avoid him for the next couple days. Although that is no good either. AHHH!!! See what I mean I just want to crawl in that hole right now.

I am always there, But that is cause we have the same friends, we hang out together. But I just need to stop, rewind, and think about what I am doing. I mean, if it was ment to be, and if this is who God wants me to spend the rest of my life with, then things will work out. If it isn't then I just have to realize that and carry on my merry way. SO why is it so Bloody hard! AHHHH! I think I am going to find that hole now!

Wrote some more.

I wrote a few more poems and figured I would stick them on here. So heres they are.

Forbidden Fruit.

My heart stops when I look at you,
And I wonder: do you look at me too?
My mouth goes dry,
I’m in the sky,
Every time I speak to you.
My heart is weak,
When with my eyes I seek,
The power of your love.
I try to stop,
I try to run,
I try not to let my feelings drown in the sun.
But as I look in your face,
I feel like I am lost in this place.
But as I think of what could be done,
I realize while my heart weighs a ton,
You are the Forbidden Fruit.
Alyson ‘04

There is a River

There is a river that we are faced with every day
It flows in front of us, it does not go away.
The water is murky, and makes us sad
So sad, that sometimes our feelings turn to mad.
When we look in that river, oh so grey,
We are silent, not knowing what to say.
But as we think of this river, and how it flows,
We remember that there is a God who knows.
He knows why the water is murky and dark,
Why in our hearts it has made a mark.
He knows of our sorrows, our grief and our pain
He knows of our hurts, our failure to gain.
As we lift our hearts to him and Pray
His hand takes the murky water away.
And right before you,
Is a river you never have to fear,
Because it is no longer murky
But instead Crystal Clear.


Alyson '04

Enjoy them. Have a great day.

Sometimes it sucks!

I just want to say, that sometimes it sucks. Let me explain! Have you ever had it that there would be this person that you liked. And you could not have them? I mean not cause they were going out with anyone but because you could not have them. Okay maybe I should explain. I will not date someone who is not from my church federation. If they are not Canadian Reformed, or any sister church we have, I will not date them. I have already gotten into some serious discussions over this with class mates, but I know that it does not work. I did it once, and I was comprimising my faith. That is not something I want to do at all, because then I do not have a faith. Well, There is this person. And I really like him. But alas he does not go to my church. He does go to church which is a bonus. But not mine. So I am stuck. And because of human nature, I can not stop it. AHH so hence, it sometimes sucks! So here I am, trying to control my emotions and yet I still like him. What do I do? Maybe I sould just stop talking to him, and then I will be mean, and then he will not talk to me and then it is fixed, but I will be sad, because of the no talky. Sigh. Sometimes life is hard, but I have to bite the bullet and carry on. THe best thing I can do is pray. And Rely on God to help me solve my problem.

Old Times

So I ran into one of my old class mates from Grant Macewan today on the bus. It seems really wierd that I am still going to school and yet half of my class mates are not anymore. But I am okay with it. Although this week, I have been stressing because I have mid terms. And sometimes I wonder why I don't just forget it and go with my Rehab. and that is it. Arrrggg sometimes life choices are always so frusterating. Although I do not think I could leave this school I have made to many friends. But sometimes, I think " do they like me, or not" and it is really wierd cause I should not think that at all. I know they like me, cause if they did not, then I would not be hanging with them would I? Oh well. It was just wierd to know that I did go to school before Concordia, although Grant Macewan seems so far away!!

Do not worry about tomorrow!

long time

It has been a long time since I have written. Things are going good. I am working hard at school Trying really hard to do everything that I can to suceed. And I am having fun doing it. I am also ready to start some new things. do not know what yet but something new. I have made a number of friends at school, and I must admit I love them all. I can not believe that this term is almost over though. I have to find some more money so that I can come back. Ahh this is nuts. Well nothing is new so Have a great day and keep smiling!

First Days Of School

Well, school has started. And I am already kinda sick of it. Although isn't it always like that? It is funny but a year ago today, I was in Switzerland driving to Holland. And instead I am only thinking about it. Sigh. But school is okay, I mean I have met some cool people and they make class more interesting. Especially Greg, who really thinks the best German class is no german class. And Natasha and I have fun. Oh and just to let you know, we have desided that Boys are horrible adn we have to throw rocks at them. Yep that is it. Anyway Live is okay and Oh I am in Hand bells next sememster and okay so it is not as great as choir, it is still cool. :) I love music.

Bummed OUT!

Okay first of all sorry for not writing so long, moving sucks. Anyway so far the only good thing is.. I have my diploma, for everyone that knows, there was ALOT of red tape. Anyway and now the sucky thing. Everyone was telling me how I was going to get into choir and how I was a in. Yeah well, today I had my audition and it went well until the stupid sight reading. So I started and screwed up, and then it started going from there. And then the unevitable happens. Hooper states " you have beautiful tone, and beautiful range! but....... You need to work on your sight reading. I really want you back next year. So please try next year, cause I want you." But as you guessed it not this year. SIGH! I think I need a big hug. And sorry Evan, I guess we can not be choir buddies, at least we can be German buddies. But anyway though I said I wasn't upset, I was. Still am. Oh well! Life goes on.
Choir or no choir I still like life!

Moving Daz

Well my family is in the process of moving, and I must say, I am not that excited!! And the fact that my dad is way up there in the about to pop stress load, and when he gets like that, we all feel it. Do not get me wrong, I love my dad, but sometimes I can not be helping getting the house ready. I do have my own jobs that I have to do. And the fact that I make suppers and clean the house, and put really heavy boxes into the trailer makes no difference to him. He is just stressed and not happy that I can not come to the house. And today Henry ( the brother) pointed out that he was over stressed and that he was expecting to much. And dad blew up at him. Something he rarely does. He even told him to Shut up. Now he gets mad when we say that, and yet.... Sigh I can not wait till we actually are finished moving and then there will not be as much stress.

Single for Life??

Okay so you think things are going great. And then things fall apart!!!! And then you start to build your self up again, and then it falls. I would just like to add a big ARRRRRGGGGG!!!!!
I wonder has everyone felt like this before? And if so, will it ever stop? And are guys really shallow to want something that is physically good to look at? Or do they want heart. So does that mean that I need to change, for a guy? Or can I stay the way I am on the outside, and not be single for life? The age old question, that I would really like to ask someone! Cause really, I know this is not modest, but... I have a great heart, and a wonderful personality and as some tell me, I am everything personality wise, what a guy wants. WELL THEN!! Can it ever be that they can look past the outside and focus on the in. Or do I really need to do something. Ugg I feel sick.
But hey, although life can get me down, there is always tomorrow.

Work

Okay I just have to say this, I LOVE my work!!!! I am so privileged to work with so many great individuals that light up my day. And get this, today one of them picked up the fork ( that had food on it already) and put it in his mouth all by himself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yeah okay, so this may not sound like a big deal but this guy normally needs to be fed by hand. Not independently, and He did it today. And another thing, he calls me A. It was cute cause I was out of the room and all of a sudden I hear this Aaaaa Aaaaa! And when I came to see him, he looked at me and said Aaaa with a smile and a giggle. And a different individual that I work with, did not want me to leave the other day. Normally when his parents come home he says "thank you bye bye!" and instead he cried and held on to my leg. Isn't that cute. As it is always said, work isn't work when you love it!!

Well signing out have a great one.

Oh I should explain I work with people that have different disabilities!!

Registration

Here I am at Concordia, ready to register. Although I am about an hour early but I figure that is okay, cause then I get priority right. Well we will see. So this is the big step in my future. After today, I will be in the Bach of Arts majoring in Music. How cool is this I think. Anyway and after that, I will be able to have by degree in Arts with a major in Music and minor in drama. I am so excited. Anyway that about sums up my day, and the fact that I have been working this morning with someone that I have not seen for a long time. That makes me happy, because I missed him tons. Well off to design my future.

Poem

I wrote a poem, and thought that I would share it with you.

What do you feel?
When you look into my eyes
Is it clear where my heart lies?
When your hand grazes mine,
Do shivers run down your spine?
Does your heart skip a beat
When our gazes meet?
I pray to God that it is true
That he as brought me to you.
You make me laugh
You make me smile.
For you I would walk mile after mile.
With you I am myself,
I never find I’m acting strange,
I never feel I have to change.
God is gracious,
God is kind
Is it is his plan for our hearts to bind?

Alyson '04

Camp

Well, I just got back from Camp Unity with one of the guys I work with. I had a blast. Although by the end of the week I was ready to go home. You know how it is. And I still have one more camp to do yet. Anyway, I really liked this one. It was not like Rehoboth, but it was great, and I met a bunch of wonderful people. I also worked on my tan just a little bit, and that makes me happy. Although now I am so tired, and can hardly do anything because I have no energy for it. But on Monday we are going skiing and that makes me happy. Although I did kinda want to go with my friends and hang, I am going skiing with the family, and I guess that is good cause I have not seen them for a while. Other then that, there is really nothing new in my life. I am ready for something exciting to happen but so far nothing. Oh well no chance waiting for something that you do not really expect hey.
Well peace out and smile lots.

Oma

Hey,
Well I have had a good week, and then since we are moving, I was packing. And what did I find but some of my Oma's things. And it hit me, I am never going to see her on this life again. It kinda saddens me. I thought that I was okay, except when you get those days you know when BANG everything hits you and your like so sad. I mean she will never see me get married, or even have a boyfriend for that matter. She will never see me get my Arts degree, which she whole heartedly promoted, she will never hear me sing again. Or I will never listen to her talk about Opa, or play Organ, or all those cool things Omas do. It really hit me. And as usual, when something hits me I write about it. Another thing Oma loved, my poems. So Oma this one is for you!

Oma

Some times there are days
When I want to say
I love you.
And now it is hard to do
Cause I can’t see you
Because you are in Heaven
So instead I ask that God cares for me,
For my Mom, my Dad, and my family.
I pray that I will remember you
And how I know you loved me too.
I will miss you Oma through the years
But I promise to smile through my tears.
You meant so much to me,
More then you could ever see.
Good Bye Oma and this I pray
That I see you in Heaven,
One sweet day.

 
AB 2004

Remember Live life to the fullest, and tell someone you love them!

Wedding Fever!

Well, have you ever felt like all that was happening in your life was weddings. Your neighbor gets married, your friends get married, people you have grown up with are going to get married. And there you sit, as single as a 1. Yeah that is me, and boy is it wonderful. You know, I am happy that peoples are getting married! But when you have a wedding every weekend, and none of them are your own, ya get a little bit sad. And the fact that one of my best friends is getting married on Saturday, and our 4th partner in crime, Ashley ( I miss you!) is not there to help celebrate. And, I have Friday off of work, only to go to another wedding. So here I am saying, weddings, they are starting to become like one of those fevers that you hate, but you can not get rid of easy. Yeah that's it, Oh well, not like I am complaining or anything. But wait that is what I am doing. Maybe I should get my act together and make it so that soon I will create wedding fever on someone else. All in good time I think, I am only a young one!!
Well, remember live life to the fullest cause you only live once!

ARRRGGGG on school!

Okay, So I thought that everything was all worked out, and all I had to do was take this Art History course. Which I am starting to like. But then I get an email and phone call from the faculty of Rehabilitation, telling me that the registration still needs my actual certificate from HogeSchool Netherlands. So now I am still not a graduate, and I found out that it was the coordinators fault. AARRRRGGGG!!! But I went to Grant Mac today, and they actually wanted to keep my certificate. I said they could borrow it, but it was the only one that I got, and frankly I would like it back. So they took it with the promise it would be returned. Hopefully now I will get my diploma, and Concordia will let me in! Cross your fingers for me peoples! So yes the struggles of school still carry on. But slowly I will be able to say, hey I am finished!!!!!

Shoot for the Moon, cause if you miss, you still land upon the stars.

Sunday Blues

Well today is the best day of the week. No work, no anything, but friends, family, and fellowship. I love Sundays. Now if I love Sundays so much, y do I have the blues. Let me explain. See Sunday night after church the young people normally go to a park and play soccer, or volley ball and have a fire. Well seeing as how it is raining we can not do that. So there was part of it. Second, I volunteered to have people over at our house. Well normally that is all fine and dandy, but I discovered we do not have anything in the house. So baking I went. And okay the biggest reason for having the blues. My Brother FORGOT me at church. I mean how can you forget me, Alyson the wonderfully vocal Alyson. Sure if I was quiet maybe, but hello this is me, NOT that quiet. So yes I saw him leave, and I tried to chase him, but wearing heels and a skirt, and blisters on my toes, equals not catching him. I am still not over it. Scared for life I am thinking. Ahh well. Tomorrow will be a new day.
Remember Love with all your Heart, Soul and Mind!

Busy Girl, Busy Life

Well, I have just finished my first week of school. Our teacher told us that we had finished 5 weeks of class. Yeah in 5 days. I am starting to enjoy myself, and I even understand what I am studying for my mid term. YES. But there are new problems. Did you know that St. Albert Library only has like four good books on the Notre Dame, now how am I going to do my project on that, I need 15!!!! AHHH! And I work during the day after school, so do not have a lot of time in order to get some more. So I am stumped. Maybe it is time to make up a few books. ( he he) Ahh well, and I have a paper due on tuesday too. And weddings to go to. Ahh busy life for this girl. Oh well I figure I will all be for the good of it, so I will stop complaining. But if anyone wants to work for me, and then give me the money, or do my homework for me, then I am willing. Just a thought. Have a great one peoples, and remember There is no better thing then a surprise kiss from the boy you love. (or girl if your a guy!)

School, School, School!

Okay, so my school life has been kinda hectic. I mean, originally Grant Macewan said that I did not even go to Holland. HELLO I was there, I did go!!! Anyway now that is figured out, I found out that in order to go to Concordia this year to get my Degree in Music, Well in Arts but major music, minor drama, I have to take a course. Sure no Problem. But I start class and it is the most boring thing EVER! Ahh, the only consolation I had, was the fact that I saw Evan for the first time in like a year. I know, there was many an opportunity to see him before, but hey! (sorry!) Anyway, I hope to get through this cause if I don't no school for me, which means no choir. AND I WANT CHOIR!!! But, as I will say, although the skies are raining, behind the cloud there is always sun!

The first one

Okay, So I was told to do this, cause it would be easier on everyone, that way you will all know exactly what I am doing. He he. But hey this is going to be the real me. No holding back here people, hence why I called it "All about Alyson" I think the best way to discribe me would be one of the poems that I have taking the liberty to write. so here,

Silently

Silently waiting,
Silently wishing,
for someone to hold on to.
Silently dreaming,
Silently praying,
for someone to love.
Silently crying,
Silently dying,
for someone to be near you.
Silently hoping,
Silently looking,
for someone to trust in.
Silently we wait,
Silently we pray,
For God to give us
our soul mate.

By Alyson

So when I think of anything more, I will post, but until then, keep smiling, never frown, cause Life is to short!