Friday, December 31, 2004

New Year Resolutions

Every year people make promises for the new year. Things like, "I will get into shape" or "I will not spend as much money" or even "I will change everything I do not like about my self!" And all though some of those things maybe good to do, how many times do we keep them? Sure we do for a while, maybe make it past the month of January but after that, who knows?

I want to share something with you;

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again rejoice!
Let your gentleness be evident to all. the Lord is near.
Do not be anxious about anything but in everything, by
prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.
And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will gaurd
your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Finally. Brothers, Whatever is true, whatever is noble,
whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely,
whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy -
think about such things. What ever you have learned or recieved,
or heard from me, or seen in me - put it to practice, And the God of peace
will be with you.
Philippians 4:4-9

This is one of my favorite texts from the bible. My favorite verse is verse 4. Rejoice in the Lord Always I will say it again Rejoice! I remember it the most on New years, because when people are making resolutions it reminds me that no matter what happens in the New year, whether good or bad, I have to rejoice in the Lord. And what a wonderful thing that is to do. To REJOICE. Rejoice in him that I am alive, that I am going to school, that I have friends.
I look back on this year and I try to think of if I rejoiced enough. And I think to my self you can never rejoice enough. So If I were to make a resolution it would not be to change the way I look, or the way I act. It would be to make sure I rejoice about everything, and I never forget who created me, who molded and shaped me to be in his image. And to Rejoice in Him ALWAYS!

This is fun

I stole this from Passionately Inept so that I could have a little fun with it too! Bwah ha ha.

1. Reply to this post, because I would like to say a couple words about you.
2. I will also tell you what song(s) remind me of you when I hear it.
3. I will also tell you what celebrity/public [or anime/manga] person you remind me of, either personality-wise or looks-wise.
4. I will also give ONE WORD that I associate with you when I think of you.
5. We all could use a boost now and then, so steal this for your journal and make someone else's day as well.

Friday, December 24, 2004

The Day before Christmas

Twas the day before Christmas and all through the house, Alyson was hurrying faster then a mouse. She had to make the place look spotless and clean. Cause her parents were coming home, and if it was messy they would scream. And Alyson wanted them to have the best day, so she got rid of the garbage, and she would have to say, "It's spotless it's clean, there is not a thing on the floor. Now all I have to do is put a welcome home! on the door" .

Yester of Days, Alyson called her friends, and they talked for hours about nothing on end. It was a wonderful thing, just to sit back and laugh. To not think about anything just to have a gas. They make her smile, even though they live farther then a quarter of a mile!
She misses her friends, but she can hold fast. Because in January they are going to have a BLAST!

Thank you thank you, I hope you enjoyed the blog. I take money for mission trip!
Have a Merry Christmas!!!!

Tuesday, December 21, 2004

I can not wait

I get to see Rhonda tomorrow! And then on Friday I get to see my parents. I am so excited!!!!! And then in early january I get to see Amber and Andrew. And I hope to see Tawnie. Oh the joys of having friends come to visit. And Ashley comes home on the 31st! YES

Monday, December 20, 2004

I miss people

Just wanted to say that I miss people! I miss Ashley so bad. And I also miss Amber something horrible. AHHH! I can not wait till I can see them. I did alot of thinking, and thanks Deb for your words of encouragment. I know that I will not leave school. And the friends that I have made I am going to treasure forever. it would be the worst thing if I did not. If all of a sudden I did not talk to any of them. Or was distant. That is not me either. I just have to be more careful of what I do. I mean if all of a sudden I stopped talking to lets say Amber well she would kill me, and I would really not be a happy person. She is an amazing person and a big part of my life. Really she is like the Ashley of College. ( that is a good thing Amber!) Although no one could replace Ashley. I love her tons! Don't worry guys I love you too! Well I am glad that I thought alot yesterday, I feel better about alot of things. Have a good one.

Sunday, December 19, 2004

What Road

You know that poem by Robert Frost that talks about the road less traveled by? Well I was thinking, what road am I traveling by. I have done alot of thinking the past couple days and I have relized I am hidding myself. I might not have thought I was, but I really am. I am trying to be loved by to many people, and I am getting myself into trouble.
I am trying to please everyone. And yet, I know that the people I care for the most, are worried about me and are scared for me. Someone told me today, that really there are still wolves in sheeps clothing. And you know what, how hard it is to admit it, I can see it. I can see that I am leading myself into a lot of trouble, I am leading myself down the path that is walked on all the time. I am not saying that I have to not talk to some people. I am just saying I have to be more careful with what I do.
This holiday is going to be good for me. I am going to need it, just to get away from the people I see everyday. And when mom and dad come home, that will be better to. I also know that I am getting upset with what people are telling me, but when I stop to think, they do have a point. I am not holding myself in the way that I should. I am to the point where I am scaring myself. What is right and what is wrong. Sometimes the wrong things sound right. And they are so much easier. But isn't that the way that it is supposed to be. No body said that the road less traveled would be an easy one. And there would be times when you would want to leave, and when people want to make you leave. This seems like one of those times. The thing is I love the people I have connected with, and I do not want to ruin any of those friendships, but I am scared, I am questioning myself and whether I am doing the right thing.
Maybe I need to get out. Maybe I need to start looking for a job, and not go back to school next year. Maybe I need to distance myself. Maybe I need to stop and think about everything I want to do.
Do I go in Febuary? I know that I want to and I have already said I would. But should I go? is it safe for me? I am so filled with doubts and worries. And at the same time, I am excited. There is also the fact that I sometimes feel I am closer to the people I go to school with. But I have friends from church that hang out with other people and they are fine.
Am I just getting myself into trouble, digging myself deeper and deeper into a hole. I think I need to be more careful from now on with what I do. The new year is going to be a little different. I think I need to start over. And remember at all times who I am and where I came from. I can not forget that, no matter how someone may make me feel, or how much fun people are having. I need to be able to be myself. The really Alyson that is not trying to please anyone. The one who was raised with what she believes, and Believes what she was taught whole heartedly. I need to stand firm and not bend for anyone or anything. Because I do not want to put my faith at risk. I do not want to build my house on the sand. I want to stand on that rock and not move! I want to be free.

Wednesday, December 15, 2004

Wanting to Write

Can you understand me?
Do I make any sence?
Am I what you thought I would be?
Or do I need to change?
What do you want me to do?
Do you want me to be someone I am not?
Just for the sake of pleasing you!
Why can't you see me for me?
Why do I need to have a mask on?
Why do I need to be different?
I like who I am inside!
Why can't you just see that?

Saturday, December 11, 2004

Rock for life

Yesterday I went to something called Rock for Life. It was amazing! I went with Scott, Lewis and Brieanne. I was just so empowered by it. It was good to witness and to pray for the babies that were being killed across the street. And for the mothers inside. It was really sad. There were a few times when I was about to cry, and then when I almost felt like falling, cause I was so sad, But I knew that God was there with me and everyone else as we made a stand. It was not like we were yelling at people that were going in. we were just standing across the street praying for them. It must be really hard to go there and do that. It sends Shivers of sadness down my spine. I know that those children will be with their maker again, and really that is the most amazing place to be. But it is so sad. So very sad.

The visit
She walks into a room
Why it seems so sad she knows.
It was not her fault
She didn’t have a choice.
There is no other way out.
“I’m sorry mom for failing you,
I’m sorry for the hurt.
I’m sorry dad for not telling you,
I have to let it go.”
She sits there waiting
The tears roll down her face.
“I’m sorry baby for hurting you,
But there is no other way.”
She lies there on the bed
Waiting to be done.
It will not hurt at all
At least that’s what he said.
All of a sudden it’s over
She feels all alone
She hears her baby crying,
And she lets out a moan.
“It’s okay my darling
God has you in His hands.
I am okay my darling,
I promise that I am.
She sits there on that bed
For another minute more.
When she is at home,
She sees a little toy.
And thinks
“That could have been for my little girl or boy”

Alyson 2003

Friday, December 10, 2004

Better today

Well, trying to write exams when you are still kinda out of it, is not the way to go. I am better today though. There were times today when I was kinda weepy, and when I was just like Ho boy, I am so shocked. And then when I saw someone go sliding this afternoon, AHHHH!!!! But I am okay. I am going to go to bed though and sleep. But I wanted to put something on here that my friend sent me. I did not write it, but I think it is amazing. Thank you Amber for sending it to me! It is being printed off and it is going on my wall. So here it is.

There are moments in life when you miss someone
so much that you just want to pick them from
your dreams and hug them for real!
When the door of happiness closes, another opens;
but often times we look so long at the
closed door that we don't see the one,
which has been opened for us.
Don't go for looks; they can deceive.
Don't go for wealth; even that fades away.
Go for someone who makes you smile,
because it takes only a smile to
make a dark day seem bright.
Find the one that makes your heart smile.
Dream what you want to dream;
go where you want to go;
be what you want to be,
because you have only one life
and one chance to do all the things
you want to do.
May you have enough happiness to make you sweet,
enough trials to make you strong,
enough sorrow to keep you human and
enough hope to make you happy.
The happiest of people don't necessarily
have the best of everything;
they just make the most of
everything that comes along their way.
The brightest future will always
be based on a forgotten past;
you can't go forward in life until
you let go of your past failures and heartaches.
When you were born, you were crying
and everyone around you was smiling.
Live your life so at the end,
you're the one who is smiling and everyone
around you is crying.

Thursday, December 09, 2004

A Little Shaken Up

Okay, so here I am and I just got back from the cop shop. Well, today was an interesting one. I had fun with Regan, Scott, Kel-C, and Charlotte today.

And then I started to go home. Well now, Alyson got herself into a little accident. Okay so I am okay, and the other guy is okay, but I found out he is claming like $3000 on his car. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Anyway the guy was a prick, but what ever. I am okay now, I am still kinda shaking, it is wierd, I want to cry and laugh at the same time. Laugh cause I am okay, but cry cause I was BLOODY scared.

And I am so cold so very cold. And I have to go out and drive tomorrow. (Henry said it is the best if I do that!) But shiver, I do not know if I can do that. I hope it does not snow tomorrow.

But I phoned Amber and talked to her and Andrew, and asked if they could tell Scott and pray for me. Just cause I am like so ahh right now. And then I remembered about accidents and just resently, and what Amber and Andrew had to go with. And it is running in my head. Is that something that I really needed to tell them cause I am okay. But I will see them tomorrow. I love you guys!!!

Monday, December 06, 2004

Under cover

Well, I must say for being really really sad today, I did well. But I really miss Opa, I mean it is really hard, I can not talk to him about anything, and really he is not there to remind me I am beautiful and that God loves me and that there is a special someone waiting for me. You know I believe it, but sometimes it is really hard not to have Opa tell me that. I had a picture of him today walking down the hall with me at his arm, waving his cane in the other hand telling everyone I was his princess.
Yeah. But today I did not cry at school. Nope I hid it really well, but I am sure some of my friends could tell that I was a little off. So I did not cry at school, but at Kramers. Well! I was fine until we read the christmas story, and we sang Silent Night. That was Opa's favorite Christmas song (in English!) And really I would always sing it for him. And he would join in with this most amazing voice. It always sent shivers down my spine. And after that we would always sing Ere Zigt God. A really beautiful Dutch song. I wanted to sing it tonight, but no one else knows it, so I couldn't cause I know I would have broke down. But alas, I started to cry, but I was with a friend, who just held me.
Sometimes I feel these days that I am just crying ALL THE TIME! And Alyson is the big baby. That is what I told him, but he just told me it was okay. Friends like that rock. But it was funny, cause I really wanted Ashley and my brother. Although I was okay with who I was with, Dont get me wrong. I love them to peices, and I would not change them for the world.

Wednesday, December 01, 2004


This is going to be really short, and all though I almost did not, I did something that I am so proud of, because it was SO hard! Ready for it


Can you tell that I am happy. Anyway now to pass the rest of my tests.