Well, I must say for being really really sad today, I did well. But I really miss Opa, I mean it is really hard, I can not talk to him about anything, and really he is not there to remind me I am beautiful and that God loves me and that there is a special someone waiting for me. You know I believe it, but sometimes it is really hard not to have Opa tell me that. I had a picture of him today walking down the hall with me at his arm, waving his cane in the other hand telling everyone I was his princess.
Yeah. But today I did not cry at school. Nope I hid it really well, but I am sure some of my friends could tell that I was a little off. So I did not cry at school, but at Kramers. Well! I was fine until we read the christmas story, and we sang Silent Night. That was Opa's favorite Christmas song (in English!) And really I would always sing it for him. And he would join in with this most amazing voice. It always sent shivers down my spine. And after that we would always sing Ere Zigt God. A really beautiful Dutch song. I wanted to sing it tonight, but no one else knows it, so I couldn't cause I know I would have broke down. But alas, I started to cry, but I was with a friend, who just held me.
Sometimes I feel these days that I am just crying ALL THE TIME! And Alyson is the big baby. That is what I told him, but he just told me it was okay. Friends like that rock. But it was funny, cause I really wanted Ashley and my brother. Although I was okay with who I was with, Dont get me wrong. I love them to peices, and I would not change them for the world.