So I am at work for my dad right now. I am supposed to be writing an essay, but you know how it is when all of sudden you can not write about anything. I hate when that happens. I mean I have alot of things to say, but really I can not write them down on paper at all. I hate it.
Sometimes I want to be with my friends twenty four seven. It scares me when things happen and I can not be with them. I hate it lots. Especially when they are having a hard time with something.
I am glad I was on line and then I could talk to this friend for an like an hour on the phone. I think it helped them a little bit. I am not good at advice though, and my approach is to make people laugh when they are feeling down, and to listen. Hopefully I did both of that. I mean my friend is a great person and I hate it when they are hurting. I hope everything works out for them, I just have to keep praying. And being there to hold them up if they need me too. Sometimes I do not mind doing that. I hate it when peoples are unhappy. Its times like this when all I need to do is be there, and to throw all of my worries out the window. I mean I know that sometimes I need to talk, but when they need it, I will try to stop.
Thats another thing I worry about all the time, I mean I try really hard not to do it, but sometimes I feel like all I can talk about is me. Me me me. And I know it is a pet peeve when other people do it, but then I do something I hate. I wish that sometimes someone would just say, "Alyson Shut up! I need you to listen to me right now." Then I so would do it. I mean it is not that bad. I would listen. I just need some help I think with that. It drives me up the wall.
Or when I am being silly. It is like at school people like it, they do not think anything of it. I hope! BUt as soon as I get to friends from home, it is almost like I have to be a totally different person. Except with Ashley and Debra. and Tyson and Sue, but everyone else. IT is like a bad thing if I am a little crazy. Hello it is me. Sometimes I can be quiet sometimes I can be "normal" but what is normal for me. I mean do I really have to pretend. I know that sometimes I am pretending whenI am being silly, but that is cause I do not want to face the facts. But most of the time I do not even do that. It is a stress reliever. And we all know i need that sometimes. Anyway why can't I just be me! I ask this. Does me bother you!