Listening to a song.

Do you ever have it when you are listening to a song, and it totally speaks to you. Well I was listening to Avolons song Everything to Me and the lyrics just popped out. Especially the Chorus. So here they are:

Everything to me,
He's more than a story,
more than words on a page, of history,
He is the air that I breath,
the water I thirst for,
and the ground beneath my feet,
Oh, He's everything,
everything to me.

And I am reading this and I am like, hello this is the way that it should be. Having God as my everything. That He is not just there, but He is around me, in my heart, that he is the first thing that I think about. He is everything to me. I was saying to a friend last night, that although my day was so horrible, I could not imagine what it would be if I did not have God. It would have been alot worse. Because then no one would have prayed with me. and I would not have been able to feel better after that. So it just proves that God has to be everything. The big bases on how I live my life.

I Need him these days, because I to have to be strong for my friends. We are all going through a stressful time, and if I am stressed I will not be able to help them. Either by encoraging them or even praying with them. Although praying helps when I am stressed to.

I think I just have to keep praying cause God will be there to hold me up and never let me fall. He is everything to me.

Worst day in the history of man!

Well folks this settles it, today was the worst day in the history of my life! Although like any other day there were some good points to it. Anyway it started with singing lessons when I just could not sing the song. and then I could not do music class, and then I could not do ear training! (but that is over!) and I failed a german test. JOYS!!!! and I keep spilling on myself! Yeah, but anyway enough bad things. I did want to say that I have amazing friends that helped me through today. Thank you you know who you are! Oh and I taught Scott the bag game, when you stick your hand in and then pull something out, it becomes yours. I pulled out his hand. Enough said. and I got to cuddle.( well sleep on his shoulder!) And I ask, y cant more guys be like him and Andrew? Amber babe, your lucky! But anyway, I have had enough, so I am going to crawl in a blanket and sleep for an hour before monday night kids.

Alyson is moving on

Well this is exciting news. So I was in the car with two of my older distingushed married friends today. And I found out that His brother has become recently single. And this guy is like so fun. Although he is really shy, but I figure that is okay. And the thing is, I am really the only person he has talked to in our church. No one else has even tried. ( which I find is really dumb but hey!) And we get along well. And the fact that I get along with his brother and sister in law. Yippee. And the sister in law suggested to set us up! Yeah that would be fine with me! He is from my Church so that is a big thing, and then he is a hard worker, and he is friendly, but he is really shy. But hey we can work on that! So that is exciting!


ps. Too my two lovely girls A and T, I think you both are beautiful! And happy things will come!

Computer room fun

so anyway I am in the computer room minding my own business and people start to make me laugh. And then they make fun of me. Some times I really like school. Although they were telling me that I am always laughing. Is that a good thing. Maybe I need to show my serious side because then people will actually know that I am serious sometimes. and that would be wonderful because then they would be able to see both sides of me. But hey if they like my crazy side. then they will have my crazy side!!!!!!!!! Bwah ha ha ha ha ha. Now I think I have to go to German cause that is what I have to to do. Keep laughing in the computer room it makes it fun.

Frusterated

Well Natasha's Capstone went really well! She was great and so was everyone else. And people really liked it. Anyway I am a little grumpy at the moment. I am having a party at my house on Saturday and I told all of my friends about it. And someone Not saying names but its a boy! Said he was going to be there! for like 3 weeks he said he would be there. And is he coming. NO! I think I understand why I mean everyone has to go and see their parents sometime. But ARRRGGG! It kinda frustrated me cause he said he was coming. I know I should not make this big of a deal about this as I am. Maybe it is because of my lack of sleep, but it really upset me. and to just say, Oh I am not coming I am going home instead. Instead of doing it a little nicer like, "hey I really wish I Could come, but I miss my family and this weekend is the best one for me to go and see them. I hope you do not care." That would have been a little nicer. Anyway now that I am done raving. ( ps. if you read this man, Oh well!) I think I just have to be like what ever, and be happy that my other good friends are going to be there.

Seussical is OVER!

Who would have thought that I am happy that seussical is over. I mean it was great, the cast did a really good job, and for the most part were alot of fun. And the make up people. Whoot whoot Amber Regean and Jo! But I have had enough. my feet are sore and I have no voice. I guess that is what comes with the territory of my job. Gopher. he he! But I loved it and I am not complaining. Although when people ask what I am doin there so early and I do not need to be. And yet they do not realize that yes I do need to be there. Okay so there are times were I was just sitting or doing nothing. BUt if someone needed me I was there. And so there, anyone who thought different can shove it! that is what I have to say. And the play its self was amazing. I mean they were great! I just have seuss songs coming out of my ying yang. (as I sure the rest of the cast does too!) But hey they deserve all the credit they can get. The cast party was fun. I enjoyed my self for the most part. Although there was a time when it was serious. But hey *Hugs*! ( you know who you are! Anyway, now that it is over I can go back to doin normal things like school. But let me say this. I am proud of everyone!!!!!!!! You are amazing in my books!

just wrote this

thought I would share a poem that really does not rhyme so is it a poem? you figure it out!

What Would

What would it feel like if you hand held mine?

What would it sound like if you said "I love you"?

What would it be like if your lips grazed mine?

What would it feel like if you held me in your embrace?

What would it sound like if you whispered in my ear?

What would it be like if you were always near?

What would it be like is all I ever wonder,

What would it sound like is what I want to know,

What would it feel like is what I am trying to figure out,

Do you want to help me?

Anyway enjoy!

More to say

Today was just an eventful day. Although this entry is more about yesterday then anything else.

So yesterday I was at Young peoples. ( a society for my church group!) and we had a huge discussion on dating outside of the church. What suprised me is the number of people that said it was okay if they were dating a christian. It kinda shocked me I think because I know how hard it is not to, but yet it is so much easier if you don't. You know what I am trying to say. Anyway and then my friend pulls me aside after. ( cause I was the one that brought it up) And asks if I was okay, and that he will be there if I need him. Well, how did he know that I was having troubles. I did not tell him. Anyway it was all confusing. But I know the truth and really I will stick to it. I am putting God first. But I told My friend something and then when I was home I put it to words.

so here it is.

Can you come here and tell them
can you come and show them
that I am a person of honour,
that I am a person to love.
I am not just some individual.
But someone so special,
so true
so real.
That it does not matter what I look like
what I say
what I wear.
It does not matter how I act
just as long as I care.
Can you come over here and tell them,
can you come and show them,
that I am easy to love.

So there it is, I wish that there were more guys like my fruit (see earlier entries) I mean he likes me for who I am. And not for someone I could be ARRRGGG!!! sometimes!
Boys we must throw Rocks at them because they are dumme!

Legacy

I was sitting on the bus listening to my discman, and a song came on. I really love the lyrics to the chorus so here they are.

"I want to leave a legacy
How will they remember me?
Did I choose to love?
Did I point to You enough
To make a mark on things
I want to leave an offering
A child of mercy and grace
Who blessed Your name unapologetically
And leave that kind of legacy"
Legacy by Nichole Nordman

I love it, And it totally got me thinking, what are people going to say when I die. ( I am not do not worry, although my cough makes it sound like I am) How will people remember me. Was I the Christian that I always said I was. That kind of thing. I do not know Something to think about I guess.

So anyway, I get this email when I get home. And I am sure most of you have heard, but I was supposed to sing at this opening ceromonies thing next week thursday, WELL anyway so this chick emails me today, and says yeah I talked to my boss, and she had found someone else too, and well her pickings rule! So sorry I will call you if we need you for something else. AGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ( if I swore I would do it right here!) I was so mad, heck I am mad. I mean I was telling all my friends, and now I have to go to them and say, hey guess what I am not singing anymore. Yeah uh huh. This sounds stupid but I want to crawl up into a ball and bawl. ( he he) But you know what. there will be other oppertunities, and if there are not. THen hey life goes on.

My Best Friend

Well, I took my best friend to Concordia basketball games yesterday, and she was also able to meet my friends from school. I think she liked them. She called them Crazy, but really they are so there is no denying that! Anyway I just wanted to dedicate this post to her. I love her so much. We have been through thick and thin together. And we both know that you can not break us. No matter how hard some may try.

She knows me so well, so very well! she sees right through me sometimes. I can hide nothing from her. But that is good I think. Someone that knows me that well. I think sometimes she knows me better then me. Especially me at the moment. I know I am denial, about alot of things, but she knows my feelings, and my attitude and she is worried about me. ( don't worry sweetie, I will not let you down!)

I just have to say that she is my hero. I mean she has been through alot, with and without me. And she is sticking to things even if she does not want to. She is beautiful! (Inside and out!) and she is my pillar!

She asked me what I would do with out her, and I told her, I would do nothing because I will never be with out you. She is everywere I am. ( no not in person!) And then I said if she was not there I would die! I really do not know what I would do!

That is why I have to say, Girl I love YOU!
(ahh that rhymes!)

Things happen.

So I am at work for my dad right now. I am supposed to be writing an essay, but you know how it is when all of sudden you can not write about anything. I hate when that happens. I mean I have alot of things to say, but really I can not write them down on paper at all. I hate it.

Sometimes I want to be with my friends twenty four seven. It scares me when things happen and I can not be with them. I hate it lots. Especially when they are having a hard time with something.

I am glad I was on line and then I could talk to this friend for an like an hour on the phone. I think it helped them a little bit. I am not good at advice though, and my approach is to make people laugh when they are feeling down, and to listen. Hopefully I did both of that. I mean my friend is a great person and I hate it when they are hurting. I hope everything works out for them, I just have to keep praying. And being there to hold them up if they need me too. Sometimes I do not mind doing that. I hate it when peoples are unhappy. Its times like this when all I need to do is be there, and to throw all of my worries out the window. I mean I know that sometimes I need to talk, but when they need it, I will try to stop.

Thats another thing I worry about all the time, I mean I try really hard not to do it, but sometimes I feel like all I can talk about is me. Me me me. And I know it is a pet peeve when other people do it, but then I do something I hate. I wish that sometimes someone would just say, "Alyson Shut up! I need you to listen to me right now." Then I so would do it. I mean it is not that bad. I would listen. I just need some help I think with that. It drives me up the wall.

Or when I am being silly. It is like at school people like it, they do not think anything of it. I hope! BUt as soon as I get to friends from home, it is almost like I have to be a totally different person. Except with Ashley and Debra. and Tyson and Sue, but everyone else. IT is like a bad thing if I am a little crazy. Hello it is me. Sometimes I can be quiet sometimes I can be "normal" but what is normal for me. I mean do I really have to pretend. I know that sometimes I am pretending whenI am being silly, but that is cause I do not want to face the facts. But most of the time I do not even do that. It is a stress reliever. And we all know i need that sometimes. Anyway why can't I just be me! I ask this. Does me bother you!

Stuck

Okay I just finished reading some of my friends poems and they are amazing. I wish that I could write like them. i mean they have such depth and stuff. I can't do that.

Anyway, Sometimes I just want to crawl in a hole and escape. There are so many things going on with my life, that I just want to leave. School is getting hard ( not in the work way, I can handle that) but in every other way. I am starting to second guess myself. Starting to ask if this is the way I want to go, if this is really what I want to do. I know my friends have told me that I am not a quiter and that I would never quit. But sometimes I just feel like I should. Sometimes I feel like I should just give up. Go out with my Rehab and that is all. My parents do not think that I will make it all three years, and in a way I want to prove them wrong. But once again, they are probably right. I hate that when it happens.

And then there is this boy. You would think that it is not very ovious, but this is me we are talking about, and I have never been very secretive. It has even come to the point that the feelings I had for another person are gone.(yes trust me, sunday when I saw this "other guy" there was NOTHING there!) But the thing is I can not have this guy from school. Okay so I think maybe he is right for me, we are both crazy. But he does not go to my church. He is my forbidden fruit. But it is not just that. I have seen both sides to him, and well I do not know if I can handle that. Although I am like that too. Ahh I hate it. Why can't this be any easier.

Oh and the fact that like a hundred girls in my school like him too. And yeah it is like a vicious circle. I do not get jealous when he is talking to other girls, Probably because I know that I can not have him anyway, but others do. And then they do not talk to you cause you talk to him. Or sit by him in Chapel or something. My guy friends always said, when it comes to a crush girls are vicious. And I have to agree. I just can not help it, he is so darn cute, and our personalities are so alike. Although I am really ovious and I know he knows, but I do not want to say anything because that would make it worse. I just want to pretend that it is not there. Maybe I should just avoid him for the next couple days. Although that is no good either. AHHH!!! See what I mean I just want to crawl in that hole right now.

I am always there, But that is cause we have the same friends, we hang out together. But I just need to stop, rewind, and think about what I am doing. I mean, if it was ment to be, and if this is who God wants me to spend the rest of my life with, then things will work out. If it isn't then I just have to realize that and carry on my merry way. SO why is it so Bloody hard! AHHHH! I think I am going to find that hole now!

Wrote some more.

I wrote a few more poems and figured I would stick them on here. So heres they are.

Forbidden Fruit.

My heart stops when I look at you,
And I wonder: do you look at me too?
My mouth goes dry,
I’m in the sky,
Every time I speak to you.
My heart is weak,
When with my eyes I seek,
The power of your love.
I try to stop,
I try to run,
I try not to let my feelings drown in the sun.
But as I look in your face,
I feel like I am lost in this place.
But as I think of what could be done,
I realize while my heart weighs a ton,
You are the Forbidden Fruit.
Alyson ‘04

There is a River

There is a river that we are faced with every day
It flows in front of us, it does not go away.
The water is murky, and makes us sad
So sad, that sometimes our feelings turn to mad.
When we look in that river, oh so grey,
We are silent, not knowing what to say.
But as we think of this river, and how it flows,
We remember that there is a God who knows.
He knows why the water is murky and dark,
Why in our hearts it has made a mark.
He knows of our sorrows, our grief and our pain
He knows of our hurts, our failure to gain.
As we lift our hearts to him and Pray
His hand takes the murky water away.
And right before you,
Is a river you never have to fear,
Because it is no longer murky
But instead Crystal Clear.


Alyson '04

Enjoy them. Have a great day.

Sometimes it sucks!

I just want to say, that sometimes it sucks. Let me explain! Have you ever had it that there would be this person that you liked. And you could not have them? I mean not cause they were going out with anyone but because you could not have them. Okay maybe I should explain. I will not date someone who is not from my church federation. If they are not Canadian Reformed, or any sister church we have, I will not date them. I have already gotten into some serious discussions over this with class mates, but I know that it does not work. I did it once, and I was comprimising my faith. That is not something I want to do at all, because then I do not have a faith. Well, There is this person. And I really like him. But alas he does not go to my church. He does go to church which is a bonus. But not mine. So I am stuck. And because of human nature, I can not stop it. AHH so hence, it sometimes sucks! So here I am, trying to control my emotions and yet I still like him. What do I do? Maybe I sould just stop talking to him, and then I will be mean, and then he will not talk to me and then it is fixed, but I will be sad, because of the no talky. Sigh. Sometimes life is hard, but I have to bite the bullet and carry on. THe best thing I can do is pray. And Rely on God to help me solve my problem.